5 Ways to Develop Today’s Must-Have ‘Soft’ Skill
Emotional intelligence is a distinctly human skill increasingly prized in job candidates. But how do you cultivate it?
Read the room. Think before you speak. Pick your battles. Keep calm and carry on.
There is no shortage of clichés to help people navigate difficult situations or conversations. At bottom, every cliché deals with emotional intelligence—the capacity to understand how someone (a colleague, a client, a customer) is reacting to something, and adjust your response accordingly. “Emotional intelligence is relational,” says Melissa Gordon, a senior client partner in the CEO and Enterprise Leadership Development practice at Korn Ferry.
It’s also a must-have skill in the age of AI, because it is distinctly human and centers around the decision-making and critical thinking that employers and recruiters are looking for more and more in candidates. Emotional intelligence (specifically, traits like empathy and active listening) consistently ranks among the top skills in future-of-work reports by organizations like the World Economic Forum and others.
Yet few firms invest in its development. Here are some tips for those trying to find or advance to a new role.
Challenge your default mode.
Before you can navigate other people’s emotions, you have to be able to recognize your own, says Gordon. What situations are you comfortable in? What situations cause you tension? What are your conversational triggers? “Emotional intelligence requires challenging one’s default modes,” says Gordon, “so that you can choose your reaction and not just give in to what you feel at that moment.”
Be someone else.
Role-playing, a classic leadership-development technique, can be particularly useful for building emotional intelligence, says Korn Ferry senior client partner Mark Royal. In one exercise he runs with clients, he devises a realistic leadership challenge and asks them to examine it from three perspectives: their own, another interested party’s, and a neutral observer’s. The goal is to compare their own intent with the anticipated experience of the other two parties. “After we practice, we compare our predictions with what actually happened and reflect on the patterns to anticipate in the future,” says Royal.
Conduct a conflict review.
After a significant conflict or flawed decision, Flo Falayi breaks down the interaction with clients, identifying where and why disagreements became defensive or hostile. Together, they replay the situation and role-play different responses that could have helped defuse it in the moment. “The most effective way to develop emotional intelligence is through practice, feedback, and reflection in actual interactions,” says Falayi, a senior client partner in the Leadership and Executive Development practice at Korn Ferry.
Mind the app.
Organizations measure and map intelligence with sophisticated tools like Thomas and Launch 360, but people can use plenty of other apps on their own. These range from emotion trackers, like How We Feel and Moodfit, to apps that gamify emotional intelligence, such as Ahead: Emotional Intelligence and SuperBetter. While apps can provide valuable insights, they should be used more to enable EQ development than to be a foundation for it, says Falayi.
Read more fiction.
Put down the management books and pick up some fiction. Reading novels involves figuring out what characters know, want, feel, and intend—essentially giving the brain practice in interpreting other people. A 2024 study found that reading fiction produced small but significant cognitive benefits, with effects particularly evident for two core emotional-intelligence traits: empathy and—to borrow another cliché—putting yourself in someone else’s shoes.
Learn more about Korn Ferry’s Leadership and Professional Development capabilities.
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