How to Diffuse a Tense Work Situation

There’s no shortage of potentially tense situations for managers to deal with right now. The push for more productivity, anxiety over AI, and a dicey economic environment are the current trendy outside causes. But there are plenty of day-to-day things that raise tension too, including poor communication, personality clashes, and a lack of trust between coworkers.

Defusing these types of tensions takes up a lot of time. Managers spend about one quarter of their time on resolving conflicts, according to various studies. And even big bosses admit they could use help with this particular skill. Nearly 6 out of 10 business leaders, or 57%, say their weakest skills are in conflict management—and that it’s costly to their companies, according to a 2023 survey. “Lots of failures at organizations can be traced back to poorly handled conflict,” says Jamen Graves, global co-leader of Korn Ferry’s CEO and Enterprise Leadership Development practice.

We canvassed our experts for ideas on how to best handle the tensions that inevitably arise on the job.

Don’t ignore them.

The longer conflicts persist, the more difficult resolving them tends to be. Allowing managers to put off difficult conversations, or to delegate them to subordinates or the HR department, exacerbates problems. Indeed, this can create a climate in which leaders become deeply uncomfortable providing negative feedback or asking for improvements in behavior—let alone doing so emphatically and tactfully. “I see this over and over again,” says C-suite advisor Anu Gupta, a Korn Ferry senior client partner. “They’re worried about saying one wrong word or hitting the wrong tone.”

Listen, then talk.

Whether it’s the boss, an entry-level worker, or any pay grade in between, an aggrieved employee wants to feel heard. Before offering your own opinion, listen to theirs. Be present with the other person’s verbal and nonverbal cues, and repeat what you’ve just heard to confirm your understanding. Then dig deeper. Ask questions to discover how the problem started, and how it’s impacting the person’s performance. While you listen and ask curious questions, manage your own assumptions and preconceived notions. This requires a high level of self-awareness and is particularly difficult when emotions are running high.

Use direct but respectful language.

As tensions rise, communication skills can regress. That’s a problem, experts say, because few conflicts are resolved once insults start flying. Keep an eye out for the so-called “Four Horsemen” of toxic communication: criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling. Criticism is verbally attacking someone’s personality or character; contempt will impact your choice of words; defensiveness is acting like a victim and reversing the blame; and stonewalling is withdrawing and expressing disapproval, sometimes even via your facial expressions.

Find a compromise.

Discovering a middle ground can be a successful and quick solution. No one will get everything they want, but a solution that allows each person to feel they got something can go a long way toward defusing tension. For example, if two coworkers want different shifts, compromising could mean they agree to alternate weeks. Experts say this strategy can be useful when time is limited, goals are moderately important, complete agreement isn’t necessary, or when a temporary solution is needed until a better one can be devised.

Work on the problem together.

Collaborating is a step beyond compromising. Instead of just imposing a solution, a manager works to figure out an answer with the colleagues who are experiencing tension. It takes time and effort, but it can build trust and strengthen relationships in the long run. The classic management example of this is how two team leaders resolve an argument over resources: Instead of fighting over who gets what, they sit down together to explore ways to share efficiently or to adjust deadlines so each of them can meet their goals.

Force a decision.

Sometimes, under deadline pressure or in a crisis, a manager just has to make a decision in which one side clearly wins and the other loses. In these situations, it’s critical to explain the reasoning behind the choice and to set expectations for how the parties will conduct themselves going forward. Use this form of tension resolution sparingly, because relying on it too often can create resentment or make people feel their concerns are being dismissed.

Follow up.

Don’t just assume that everything will be fine once the conflict is “resolved.” Check in periodically to make sure people are abiding by the decision. If not, invite everyone to have another conversation to deescalate the situation and prevent a recurrence. 

Learn more about Korn Ferry’s Leadership and Development capabilities.

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