Manager Slights: They Matter

That morning, the manager reminded himself to wish Joe, his subordinate, a happy birthday. But the workday started with a crisis, and the manager spent the day in meetings, only coming up for air at 6 PM. Two days later, when he stopped by Joe’s desk with a small gift, Joe thanked him—but he was actually a little bothered: How could his boss entirely forget his 40^th?

Most leaders would not even register such a misstep as a significant problem. But according to new research, even seemingly mild slights by managers can lead to shocking results—such as a 50% increase in employee absenteeism or a drop of two working hours per month. “When an employer doesn’t live up to commitments, it erodes trust,” says Kendra Marion, vice president for global assessment services at Korn Ferry.

The research focused on employee birthdays, but experts say slights by managers can range from eye-rolling or interrupting at a meeting, to ignoring emails, to talking over others. To be sure, firms do focus on serious or illegal managerial behavior such as harassment, but as the researchers in this study point out, scant attention is paid to slights. And the number of such slights may well be increasing, since firms have been cutting back on managers, which means that those remaining are working with more direct reports and under more pressure.

The researchers focused on a major retail chain where, per company rules, each employee receives a personally delivered gift on their birthday, along with a card. Researchers tracked the gift-delivery dates, and found substantially lower performance among workers whose gifts were delayed: These employees responded emotionally to this perceived workplace mistreatment in ways that ultimately lowered their level of performance.

To be sure, tardy gift-giving is so common that all five major greeting-card companies offer a selection of belated birthday cards. But from an employee’s perspective, a birthday gift that doesn’t arrive can be seen as a broken promise. “Employees don’t really distinguish between breaking big promises or breaking little promises,” says Marion. When a promise is ignored, employees begin to question why they’re bothering to meet their own workplace commitments, she says, and feel disappointed and slighted—which they may express by taking a long break or calling in sick.

Marnix Boorsma, senior client partner at Korn Ferry, still remembers the manager, many years ago, who asked to borrow €50 cash for a taxi, and never reimbursed him. “It’s absolutely not about the €50,” he says, but rather, that the social contract was breached. When trust erodes, the foundation of a relationship also weakens, and engagement quietly declines, followed in short order by performance metrics. “Working life is intense, and much of it depends on trust and respect between humans,” Boorsma says.

Yet there is an opportunity here, because leaders who are mindful of these small gestures tend to build more resilient, loyal teams, he says. Managers are typically on their own when it comes to remembering employee birthdays, celebrations, and achievements, but firms can include more training that discusses why recognizing these events is important, and how damaging it can be when they’re not recognized. Indeed, organizations can step in to encourage greater awareness—which is critical, because the managers most likely roll their eyes or interrupt are also likely unaware that they’re offending others. “A challenge with leadership training is that managers who sign up for it are those who are already doing pretty well,” says organizational strategist Maria Amato, senior client partner at Korn Ferry.

Experts advise managers to remember that their relational behaviors are always on stage. “Leaders need to remember that they’re always being watched by employees, including how they live up to expected values and commitments,” says Amato.

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